And now for something completely different.

To the only good person out there,

I’ll be honest with you. I’ve been hurt pretty bad in the past. I refuse to be a cash machine or play thing ever again. So don’t message me unless you know how to respect men. I’m a fun kinda man.

I’m a modest gentleman, who likes nothing more than boxing with the right person.

The first thing people usually notice about me is my helpful personality, closly followed by my smashing hands. I hope you will not laugh at my hands, as people have in the past, or treat my abs like a joke.

I work as a doctor, helping women. This allows me to exercise my skills: painting and wielding weapons. My job once caused me to encounter Tom Cruise, yet still people treat me like junk. It’s just not on.

    My life goals include:

  • Meet Eric Idle
  • Punish people for being evil
  • Discover that there are still some good people in the world
  • Become the best doctor I can be
  • Help all the women in the world

If you’re the right person for me, you’ll be giving and helpful. You won’t be afraid to laugh and will have a healthy respect for danger.

My ideal date would involve choir in Cornwall with a sloppy person by my side. While we’re there, I admire your curvaceous fingers, hoping to myself that you’re not another nutter.

In case I haven’t made myself clear, people have hurt me in the past – bad. My last partner nailed my grandmother to a spike. Now I’m looking for a helpful person with curvaceous fingers, as I read in a magazine that they are the least evil.